From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
We'll Return to Our Blog After This Message…
Woman: Honey, what's wrong?
Man: I don't know---I'm just not feeling like myself. Lately I've been having these weird thoughts.
Woman: What kind of thoughts?
Man: Like…maybe single-payer healthcare is the right way to go. Maybe we should increase taxes on the rich to ease the deficit. Maybe we should keep reproductive issues between a woman and her doctor. Maybe gay marriage won’t destroy the foundation of civilization. Maybe government can be a solution for many of our problems. It just feels so…so…
Woman: …so wrong?
Man: Yeah! It's like everything in my head is suddenly rational and clear!
Woman: Poor dear, you're suffering from commonsensivitis.
[Cut to] Doctor in white lab coat: Commonsensivitis is a rare but serious condition that occurs when neural pathways in the modern conservative brain figure out how to connect to each other, producing high levels of rationality, reason and, yes, common sense. Junk food and Fox News can help destroy those connections naturally, but for really stubborn cases you need new Screwusall. Just take half a dozen Screwusall tablets and you'll be feeling like your usual paranoid, angry, loud, confused self again!
Man: Defund Planned Parenthood! Kill Medicare but not mine! Stomp unions into the dirt! Drill here, drill now! Social Security is a Ponzi scheme but don't you dare cut my benefits! Libtard voter fraud is an epidemic and I can't prove it! Obama equals Hitler! Let America default on its debts! Sarah Palin speaks for me! Tax cuts now! Let our fetuses pack heat! Victoria Jackson is funny! Science is for sissies! Adam rode a dinosaur!
Woman: Welcome back, honey! No more commonsensivitis for you!
Man: Thanks, Screwusall!
Announcer: Screwusall---available at fine tea party meetings, birther rallies and bait-and-switch GOP governor's offices everywhere. Side effects include embarrassing spelling errors on protest signs, voting against your self-interest and thinking like a modern-day Republican.
We now return you to our regularly-scheduled sunshine day!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Posted: 2011-06-08 08:49:05Author: